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The official 'Ask Puppy' thread!


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Eggplant.

I had a duck "banquet" (if you could call the spoils of one duck a banquet) in Beijing and it was good - but not great. Never a huge rabbit fan eating wise - thus I am conflicted. So we'll just amal

I say buy her a duck.  Chicks digs ducks.  Sure, sure I hear ya – they tend to poop everywhere – but that poop can be collected and resold as a facial cleanser – not unlike the latest Oil Of Ulay rang

To see if you are really that wise, here's a tricky one: What do you do, when you like a girl, but don't know if she likes you too, when at first there were some signals, that she could possibly like you, but then there were the total opposite signals, when this particular girls doesn't show her feelings, better say, hides them, so you couldn't possibly understand what she's thinking about you, when you've already had experience with such situations, but now it's different, when you see this girl every day, when you do not know what to do, when you sit by her, but don't know how to tell her, that you like her, when ...
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To see if you are really that wise, here's a tricky one: What do you do, when you like a girl, but don't know if she likes you too, when at first there were some signals, that she could possibly like you, but then there were the total opposite signals, when this particular girls doesn't show her feelings, better say, hides them, so you couldn't possibly understand what she's thinking about you, when you've already had experience with such situations, but now it's different, when you see this girl every day, when you do not know what to do, when you sit by her, but don't know how to tell her, that you like her, when ...

I say buy her a duck.  Chicks digs ducks.  Sure, sure I hear ya – they tend to poop everywhere – but that poop can be collected and resold as a facial cleanser – not unlike the latest Oil Of Ulay range.  You see, the duck symbolizes everlasting like – not love – just like.  It’s cute, it’s quirky – it just screams “hey I am a good kinda guy with a fun sense of humour and non questionable body odour.”

Alternatively just ask the damn girl if she likes you!  WOW!  Frickin’ logical hey?

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When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now, will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greeting or even a goddam fricking bottle of wine?

No - instead I will send you tufts of what should be a magnificent collection of back hair - cultivated from my own shoulders - it's not quite a bush yet, but I imagine my 50's will not be kind.  As for wine - well - sure thing.  But with a catch.  I will send you grapes - the rest you do yourself.  The effort makes the reward at the end so much better.

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As someone who has known krow for a long time, can you explain his obsession with clothes?

Well, all fine young gay men have a thing for satorial splendour - and our occassionally Quebecois, more regularly New Mexican friend is far from untainted by this need to communicated his inner fagness outwards via trendy threads, Versace knock offs (pronounced Ver - saych, naturally) and breast baring ensembles.

Hang on, that was 'Showgirls'.

Krow weighs like 32 kilos.  He shops in the kids section - thus with such a cheap source of threads, why wouldn't you go clothes crazy?

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Dear Uncle Puppy,

How would one successfully remove an old red wine stain from a beige carpet?

I'll answer for Uncle Puppy on that one --

1,  Either invert the carpet; or

2.  Stain the rest of the carpet with the same red wine.  Voila!  You'll have a newly colored carpet.  But you can't use it to fly to Dubai or Mecca; got a high alcoholic content now.

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Got any tricks on how I can deny my past? I've pretty much used them up. I need new material.

Simple - start referring to yourself in the third person.  That way people will start to think you have 'created' a 'character' and are an 'auteur'.  Works for Thatsnotmypuppy.  Thatsnotmypuppy loves them bitches.  See!  It's great!

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Puppy, is there a receipt for a perfect murder? Please, share your wisdom.

A receipt?  Well if you purchase one at K Mart they'll give you a receipt.  If you mean recipe - sure thing.  Poison.  But make sure you take your victim to a McDonalds prior so the autopsy shows that it's death by Chicken McNugget.  Them little bastards are deadly by themselves, but with a nice chaser of draino or arsenic... I have said too much.

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When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now, will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greeting or even a goddam fricking bottle of wine?

LOL!  :laughlong:

Dear Dame Puppy, latex or leather?

Well for my surgical role play glove needs - latex.  But only in the bedroom!  Paging Dr Cock!  Again I may have said too much.

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Dear Uncle Puppy,

How would one successfully remove an old red wine stain from a beige carpet?

Ah Baron beat me to it.  Start your own damned thread!  But yeah - get a big bowl, some porous sponges and dab the wine onto the carpet - until you have a nice, even colouring. Beige is so played out.

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Dear Dr. Puppy,

sometimes I awake suddenly and my w*llie feels so strange and the sheet is wet - what happened?

Well, when a boy reached a certain age, he loses all bladder control and switches to Depends undergarments!  It's that time for you, my child.

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Dear Dr.Puppy

Something that's always puzzled me: Just why do men have nipples?

Thanks in anticipation!

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Puppy, is there a receipt for a perfect murder? Please, share your wisdom.

I reply with Puppy's permission.

Actually, from Roal Dahl's short story "Lamb to the Slaughter", the perfect murder is the hit someone around the head with a large frozen leg of meat (such as lamb!). This would cause cocusion and could kill someone if used hard enough and hitting in the right place.

Afterwards, you cook and eat the meat - or as the story goes, feed it to the policeman investigating while you cry your heart out about your husband's sudden death.

Therefore one dead person and no evidence. Perfect.

I'm not sure if it works with tofu, if you are vegetarian, but feel free to try (not you, Phil!). Also, the police officer might be vegetarian - you never know! May also work with a large vegetable or fruit? Never perfect. There are always flaws. However, this is probably the nearest.

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Dear Dr.Puppy

Something that's always puzzled me: Just why do men have nipples?

Thanks in anticipation!

Let's just say that when man was progressing from the apes the... um... genital region was further north - thus your nipples are the remains of your 'chest penises'.

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