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later today, idk in like an hour or 2, laura tesoro will perform to MILLIONS of people around the world, and potentially TRILLIONS of extraterrestrials from distant exo-planets that receive our radio signals but haven't made contact because we've destroyed their civilizations with our addictive reality TV programing.

somewhere out there, a gas-based alien planet that thinks australia is right-side up is craving a laura win as badly as the most intelligent, savant representatives of our race (me).

here are some things laura's got going for her in no particular order except the order i feel like writing them in:

  1. laura's got a funky catchy little dance song literally stolen from super-big hit songs. and thieves, much like cheaters and liars, always come out ahead in the end. don't believe me? take a look at the world we live in (FIFA)
  2. laura is slaying the choreography. i've spent the last week reading every youtube comment and forum post on laura, and ever her haters literally can't believe how well she dances/sings. they are literally in tears because laura is moonwalking all over the corpses of their sappy-ballad favorites.
  3. laura performs last, which is literally everything. also, she's the only dance-funk song in her semi and the only good song in eurovision ever.
  4. we don't deserve laura: she is just too cool for your exo-planet (see fig. 1 below)
  5. please do not ask her why the sun is shining, long after the day is done. she will literally go into this whole three minute thing. every single time.


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UPDATE: laura slayed it.

UPDATE 2: laura qualified, obviously, but jesus christ did they make us sweat it out as it was the final reveal. i admit when they read #9 i began to think "boy did i bet on the wrong horse here" but then laura pulled it out in the end because she is jesus and i am just her poor doubting thomas disciple.

Edited by laura tesoro
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psh, laura is far more talented than tiffany ever was, and perhaps equally talented as debbie. she trails paula in sick dance moves, but her voice is a stronger asset.

because eurovision won't let you lip-sync, she clearly also nails the whole singing-dancing simultaneously thing.

now please, don't step. laura needs GOOD VIBES for tomorrow. she's opening the show.

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