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AMERICANS: 2020 bids in analogies we can understand


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y'all are being too hard on doha in that other thread, so i thought i would help out my fellow americans and explain exactly what each bid city's olympics would be like if was a day in the life.

a doha olympics is like a night at a VIP club with bottle service with this kind of skeezy guy who just has lots of money and always wants to show you his mercedes so you go out on one date with him because you heard it's a nice club and he "knows the owner." and it's actually a lot of fun even though you're like i can't drink too much because i don't want to loose too much control, but then when you walk into the club they are totally playing your song so you know it's going to be a good night and after three drinks you're kind of relaxed and you're like OK this isn't so bad, but you know you're drunk because you're like omg is that usher?? and you don't even really like usher, and you end up dancing most of the night and making out with that guy who brought you and (you think) this other guy who wasn't even all that cute, and then you let your date drop you off and when he makes his move you get out and slam the door in his face and ignore all his texts for like three days until you say "i had such a good time, we should do it again some time" but you don't really mean it, but you're glad you went. maybe if he takes you to vegas next time... yeah that'd be so awesome, but you'd totally have to put out.

rome is like that time in college when you used to wait to the first of the month for your college fund to come through and withdraw all your money and spend it in like four days on drugs and dinners out and new jeans, so by the end of the month you've got like nothing so you end up at your friend's basement and the two of you drink pabst blue ribbon cause it's cheap and got smashed and played wii and then you hit your friend in the lip with the controller when you were playing tennis and he screamed and you couldn't stop laughing so he hit your arm and you ended up in a kind of a fight until you went outside for a cigarette and decided to walk to taco bell because you were hungry and when you get there the guy at the counter is like to your friend "what's wrong with your lip?" and it's totally got dried blood and that just makes you laugh all over again and then you order a chaluppa because you hadn't had one in like forever but you forgot how kind of gross it was so you don't finish it and then you crash on your friend's couch. but at least you didn't puke,

both can be fun at the time, but you're only going to bother remembering one of those nights in two months.

tokyo is like the time you went to that hotel sushi bar because it got a good writeup but you barely got a good buzz off the sake and so you ordered too many things you never heard of because you wanted to seem more sophisticated than you really were and you didn't even like it, and then the check was $100 and you still wanted fried chicken two hours later. next time you should totally just get a kirin because **** that sake. what was that like $35 for nothing? it didn't even taste like anything. like vodka, but not even close. no thx.

madrid is like when your friend introduces you to her friend because she thinks you'll get along and you both get talking about yoga and so you meet up a few days later to go to a class but it's like $60, which isn't a big deal for a yoga class, but she complains the entire time and so you're like whatever, i'll just pay for both of us, and then you take her to a nice restaurant but she doesn't like anything on the menu and then the waiter comes over and you order a jack and coke and then she orders a soda water and tells you she doesn't drink and so you think she thinks you're an alcoholic and then she just complains the entire time about her life which sounds pretty perfect because her dad's an architect and so you know they have money but you have to pick up the check anyway, which at that point you don't even care about because your mom texts you to see how you are and you end up faking a family emergency to get away.

baku is like when you went to eastern europe with your friend and decided to stay a hostel and this kind of cute and kind of creepy guy there was like let's go out, so you do cause you don't know anyone else and you get black out drunk and when you wake up you're in someone else's house and your watch is missing and you think your friend probably had sex with him but you're both so embarrassed that it even happened you rarely talk about it and always leave it out when you tell your friends back home about your trip. can we just pretend that night didn't happen? and what the hell happened to my watch anyway? it wasn't even that expensive but who would steal my watch. thank god we totally forgot the camera at the room at the hostel, which miraculously didn't get broken into that night. next time: three star hotels. no, i'm serious, we'll just put it on a credit card and get our dads to pay for it somehow. can't you just ask for it for haunkkah or something? anyway, next time we should just go to portugal because my cousin's date who i met at that wedding i went to has an apartment there and said we could totally stay there, although he was a little drunk. but i saw it on price is right and it totally looks like something we would like.

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istanbul is like that short guy who was in your chem class and he's cute and all in that elfish sort of way, like the lord of the rings or something, but come on! i mean, seriously. so then you see his first quiz and he does like really well and you totally studied but not that hard, i mean not like for more than 2 nights because it was only a quiz not a midterm and then he's like oh we should do a study group so you're like alright, duh, he's smart so of course you should study with him. so you study together like a bunch of times and you actually got a B on the first test, which is pretty cool and he keeps like trying to make little moves on you and you're like err no thanks but you still need him to pass the class because otherwise you'll have to go ALL THE TIME and he takes much better notes than you do, so then toward the end of the semester he's like omg come out with me, and he's really withholding about the details, which is kind of sexy, but then it's like a --family-- dinner, no seriously his whole family is there and they totally think you're dating and it is so awkward, so then at the end of the class --you got a B, thank jesus-- he still wants to hang out and hit on you all the time even though you told him after the final that you were seeing someone else. and so he texts you really pathetically 'what's wrong with me? i just want to know what you're into so i can try to be that for you' and it's so gut wrenching and sad that you ignore him constantly and even once have to hide behind the bus stop because he's walking toward you after class. i mean, you feel bad, but i mean. come on. he took you to a family dinner! and you went, so you know you're not an opportunist or anything. he set himself up for it anyway. you made it perfectly clear from the get go. i did, right? i did. i know i did.

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Genius - so for Australians -

Baku - what the fuckk is a Baku?

Doha - hard to find beer outside of hotels but it's near Dubai so you could go waterskiing later this arvo.

Istanbul - great kebabs.

Madrid - Spanish girls are hot and don't shave down there!

Rome - see Madrid.

Tokyo - one word - earthquakes! I'm totally there!

Thus the average Australian would probably back Istanbul as we do love a good kebab. However we can fly to Tokyo for like under $500 return with Jetstar.

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For Guatemalans and Central Americans:

1) Baku-magic place, but still unkown for us... People will get lost trying to get there.

2) Doha-exotic and a taste of arabian night clubs (really common here, such as "el sahara" "el árabe" "wadjiara" or "dubai lounge" )

3) Istanbul-you can see Galatasaray playing ;)

4) Madrid-dream land for Cantral American's since its called "la madre patria" ans we speak the same language

5) Rome-the hotest girls and a dream city

6) Tokyo-a Beijing cliche for many, but as a sushi bar as you said, good since Japan is the country that is constructing the airport in my city

Overall, a European bid will be the best since many people here deam with it, but perhaps Doha will be really funny for people here... For the record, people here (GUA) love Qatar i dont now why but they do... :huh:

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Wow krowq.... :) so which one get your support ?

i don't know, because in like 5 or 10 years you're going to look back and be like, wow, that trip to eastern europe was really magical and i can't believe we got our **** stolen. that was insane, i'm so totally never going back there, but i'm so glad we went and all the pics are still on facebook.

and madrid you just barely remember and when you do it's like omg what a total entitled little spoiled little bitch who thinks she can get whatever she wants by complaining. and doha is like LOL i can't believe i did that! can you believe i went on a date with him? it was fun to get bottle service though so that way when you're watching vh1 you can be like 'yeah i totally had bottle service this one time. it was cool, i guess' because no one you're with then will ever have had bottle service, so you can play up the circles you used to travel in.

and tokyo you're like, that's all i got for $100? i mean, you know more about sushi now so every time you go to a sushi bar you're like i know what NOT to order, but that one time you went to the one in the hotel you did talk to the waitress who like looked like she was from japan or at least san francisco and she told you how they eat sushi in japan and they never have mayo sauces so you always tell them from now on never to put mayo sauces in your sushi so you're glad for that at least.

but rome. omg rome. those times with your friend who you don't really talk to as much as maybe you should anymore and you totally commented on his facebook comment not too long ago and he ignored you so you're like "ok, whatever, i guess being like practically bffs in 2004 is just nothing to you. that's cool" but you know it's not. you'll always think about that time you hit him with the wii controller and drew blood and went to taco bell and basically all those months you spent all your money with him because it was so much fun as some of the best times of your life. because yeah you were broke like most of the month, but it was just nice to have someone there that was totally cool and you weren't in eastern europe or anything skeezy and no one was complaining or trying to hard or like really short and trying to get with you in all the wrong ways. it was just... you and your friend drinking beer and playing wii. and that's like real life. not some crazy adventure that you embellish for cocktail parties. you don't even tell it at cocktail parties. it was just 2004-5. your life. so rome is the one that you secretly cherish for the rest of your life, and were you repressing feelings for rome at the time? possibly, yeah. but things were just so crazy back then and you were drunk all the time and living life, but rome is just really there. you'll always love rome. it's left like this indelible mark. rome is apart of you. i think the worst thing you ever did was not hook up with rome because yeah it would have ruined the friendship, but when you moved in 2006 it fizzled out anyway even though it was only like 6 miles away. maybe you'd still be with rome today and maybe you wouldn't have any regrets, although you barely do because that was just a magical time. you and rome against the world.

so, rome.

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"and madrid you just barely remember and when you do it's like omg what a total entitled little spoiled little bitch who thinks she can get whatever she wants by complaining"

Wow what's up with being so harsh on Madrid?...

oh my stars, your dad is an architect for crying out loud. stop complaining. did you read istanbul's?

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Yeah and it was funny! I studied abroad this past year in Europe so I felt like I understood a lot of the jokes from that perspective :P But the one I didn't get was that Madrid was whiny? Idk, maybe I'm thick, but it didn't make as much sense as the satires of the other bids, it's a pretty fun city from my experience, closer to the wild Italian night than anything else.

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arrrrggg i didn't eat lunch, don't make me explain my metaphors.

the whiny girl or whatever is the annoying spaniards on this message board who complain all the time and you don't know why. really annoying.

anyway, a spain olympics would be really cheap even though they have more money than the other failed states in europe. and when you go out for yoga and lunch the last thing you want is someone on your ass "sixty dollars for yoga? that's too much. i could understand if the class was longer than an hour or if it was a well-known instructor or if you couldn't get like the exact same thing for half price three blocks from my house blah blah blah." it's like, shut up, sixty dollars is not going to bankrupt you and your dad's a friggen architect and you live on the nice part of town on the sunny side of the street. and FYI, lots of people's parents get divorced when they're six, but you don't have to mention it all the time. and of course you wouldn't like anything on the menu. i only took you to the best restaurant in the neighborhood. whatever, it's cool. anyway, that's like my mom, so you know. i gotta go. but we should totally do this again sometime...

and anyway, you totally missed that the yoga class was the metaphor for madrid. jeez, that was like so obvious too. it was $60 but it was worth it. i didn't have any problem with the price. and it was a pretty good class, even though yeah, i guess you're right. it was only an hour.

i'm not explaining these obvious metaphors anymore. what did they teach you in english 101? didn't you have to half ass a paper about the metaphor in shirley jackson's the lottery like everyone else?

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