ok so i guess we have to talk about this now because i am not about to think up amusing things to say about winches, other than it rhymes with binch and that is my favorite word of all time.
where to begin.
his IMDB is black because of this spiderman movie and it's making it hard for me to read. apparently, JG is still a thing.
but hasn't he always been? krow investigates.
CITY SLICKERS (1991) - i legit did not know he was in this ?? was there a kid in it or something? it's been decades since i've seen it. maybe i should watch it again (i'm not going to watch it again).
OCTOBER SKY (1999) - this movie is so overrated. i blame baby boomers and their stupid, idiotic space obsession for its success. space has some legit uses (satellites) but boomers fetishize it to an uncomfortable degree. i feel bad for them but not for jake who used it to catapult himself into fame.
DONNIE DARKO (2001) - the rabbit scared the **** out of me. jake, i know everyone loved this movie, but the rabbit scared the **** out of me.
THE GOOD GIRL (2002) - who could not come away from this movie without a massive crush on jake? i loved him. i love good girl jake more than any other jake in the world. i like catcher in the rye too jake have an affair with me jesus.
THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW (2004) - jake was in this idiocy that i saw in the theater and it's riddled with dumb plot holes. i can't remember how hot he was in this but a youtube clip of him being afraid of flying on a turbulent plane confirms he was bonable but his styling (+ eyebrows) was too ben affleck. would still go down on him while we're going down though.
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (2005) - oh i just realized jake is an actor who can act. that had never been apparent to me before. ang lee brings out the best in any actor but he almost does the impossible here with jake making him a very good and believable actor, somewhat miraculously. now, you may think heath is hotter in this movie or maybe you like jake more. it doesn't matter. if you're gay (and if you're reading this, you're probably gay) then you identified with jake in a pretty big way during his arc. you know you did. we've all been there. most of the credit for this movie being well done goes to ang lee but jake pulls his weight and his accent is lol ridiculous but kinda hot. it's hot. i have to stop writing about this movie. GOOD WORK, JAKE!!!!!
ZODIAC (2007) - i love this movie if for no other reason than chloe sevigny of kids and american psycho and big love fame is married to jake and i ship them so hard. OK, so the movie is riddled with inaccuracies (did i already use the word riddled earlier? i'm not going to check) but it's a fun ride RDJ give it his all. and who is Z? we'll never freaking know and that's frustrating. also, some of the scary scenes were dumb. this isn't really a thriller but david fincher um tried at least. why not, a solid B there jake, bet you got paid bank.
LOVE & OTHER DRUGS (2010) - blew off work one day by telling everyone i had a work appointment even though my job did not involve going to appointments. it was fine in a sappy kind of way. jake left no impression on me sadly, though anne and josh gad did. he was kind of a sleezeball with a big heart. i don't know jake. at least you had some sexy scenes. and you have that face. no matter how boring the movie is, at least we the viewer can take comfort in that face.
ENEMY (2013) - this movie scared the **** out of me. when i saw it like 2 months ago i wikipedia'd it and it was apparently a metaphor for dictatorship rule. that was, no, that was stupid. and there is literally like 4 pages of dialogue in the whole thing. you have to read between the lines a lot, which is annoying because jake played two characters. he does not age btw. he literally does not age.
NIGHTCRAWLER (2014) - this movie scared the **** out of me. i was not expecting that. it was very graphic. jake was repulsive and compelling. this is also a movie that does not think very highly of los angeles. i thought i was going to throw up when he was filming one of the murder houses cinema verite style. least bonable jake i would have to say.
i have not seen any other jake movies and i refuse to write his last name which is gyle -- oooh i'm losing it here, have to check imdb -- gyllenhaal. but tbh i've seen a lot more jake movies than i would have guessed before i started writing this.
i'm glad i brought back GB so i could do this again. this was fun. wasn't this fun? this was fun.