krow

i'm liking the no baron around here.

seems quieter, pretty chill around here. i like reading the threads. he's an angry person with lots of time on his hands.

did i ever tell you about the time i met a former member who had dinner with him? he said he was rude to the wait staff. i'm one of those people that that is just it. you can't be rude to the waitstaff. also: he snapped his fingers. i'm just going to leave that right there without comment.

anyway, more time for him to write another book with grainy pictures that bigdrew can trash on amazon.

spending my time very productively today, i have compiled 20 of the sorta hottest speedskaters from both teams. PLEASE vote on the overall hotness of the team. alternately, if there is one team member who you just have to have, that's ok too.

the drawback of this thread is the lack of thighs, of course. i am aware of the problem but you will just have to oogle thighs on your own time. this is a family website.

oh, and no, i don't have NAMES. no one knows their names unless they just won a gold yesterday. prolly faster thinks he does.

faster what do you think?

TEAM USA




TEAM CANADA



ps: SOME of team canada may not be still on team canada because google gave me a 2010 list before i corrected it. please let's not get pedantic.

pps: i also wrote this itinerary of what a speedskater does all day for an alternate thread i was going to do, until i decided on the poll. i'll just include it here. 'cause, well, bullet points, that's why.

• wake up at 5 am sharp
  
• throw on spandex, cycle around the suburbs where you own a pretty nice three bedroom, $450,000 house, mostly paid for by the home depot ad you did in 2010
  
• have a delicious hydrolyzed whey protein and casein shake
  
• warm up for a bit, probably to U2 and nine inch nails
  
• resistance + cardio & cooldown - throw on some adele
  
• bullet points!! seriously, where have they been all my life?
  
• drive to the rink in your prius (too much equipment to bike). if you're american you prolly have to drive a ford 'cause of sponsors and stuff (sux). if you're canadian, well, you ride your skiing moose, obvs.
  
• sprints or stamina around the track for a bit. get a peptalk with your pricey coach for a bit (you're on the team, so you don't pay). listen to how he cinched a bronze in the 84 worlds for like the billionth time.
  
• lean chicken and vegetables (read: chicken mcnuggets) + shake with lots of acronymed ingredients. mcdonald's pays your bills, but you would never actually admit you eat it.
  
• squats and stuff with pals, but really just chatting it up. work a bit harder when the coach comes in.
  
• hit the ice again to cool down. really just dream about beating china next time.
  
• go home and update your ipod workout playlist. less leona lewis tomorrow.
  
• admire your hotness in the mirror. practice various witty lines to say to bob costas on tv in case you win a medal next time. make that teeth whitening appointment for next week, just in case (americans only).

plus you get to train and race with the team and stuff.

y'all are being too hard on doha in that other thread, so i thought i would help out my fellow americans and explain exactly what each bid city's olympics would be like if was a day in the life.

a doha olympics is like a night at a VIP club with bottle service with this kind of skeezy guy who just has lots of money and always wants to show you his mercedes so you go out on one date with him because you heard it's a nice club and he "knows the owner." and it's actually a lot of fun even though you're like i can't drink too much because i don't want to loose too much control, but then when you walk into the club they are totally playing your song so you know it's going to be a good night and after three drinks you're kind of relaxed and you're like OK this isn't so bad, but you know you're drunk because you're like omg is that usher?? and you don't even really like usher, and you end up dancing most of the night and making out with that guy who brought you and (you think) this other guy who wasn't even all that cute, and then you let your date drop you off and when he makes his move you get out and slam the door in his face and ignore all his texts for like three days until you say "i had such a good time, we should do it again some time" but you don't really mean it, but you're glad you went. maybe if he takes you to vegas next time... yeah that'd be so awesome, but you'd totally have to put out.

rome is like that time in college when you used to wait to the first of the month for your college fund to come through and withdraw all your money and spend it in like four days on drugs and dinners out and new jeans, so by the end of the month you've got like nothing so you end up at your friend's basement and the two of you drink pabst blue ribbon cause it's cheap and got smashed and played wii and then you hit your friend in the lip with the controller when you were playing tennis and he screamed and you couldn't stop laughing so he hit your arm and you ended up in a kind of a fight until you went outside for a cigarette and decided to walk to taco bell because you were hungry and when you get there the guy at the counter is like to your friend "what's wrong with your lip?" and it's totally got dried blood and that just makes you laugh all over again and then you order a chaluppa because you hadn't had one in like forever but you forgot how kind of gross it was so you don't finish it and then you crash on your friend's couch. but at least you didn't puke,

both can be fun at the time, but you're only going to bother remembering one of those nights in two months.

tokyo is like the time you went to that hotel sushi bar because it got a good writeup but you barely got a good buzz off the sake and so you ordered too many things you never heard of because you wanted to seem more sophisticated than you really were and you didn't even like it, and then the check was $100 and you still wanted fried chicken two hours later. next time you should totally just get a kirin because **** that sake. what was that like $35 for nothing? it didn't even taste like anything. like vodka, but not even close. no thx.

madrid is like when your friend introduces you to her friend because she thinks you'll get along and you both get talking about yoga and so you meet up a few days later to go to a class but it's like $60, which isn't a big deal for a yoga class, but she complains the entire time and so you're like whatever, i'll just pay for both of us, and then you take her to a nice restaurant but she doesn't like anything on the menu and then the waiter comes over and you order a jack and coke and then she orders a soda water and tells you she doesn't drink and so you think she thinks you're an alcoholic and then she just complains the entire time about her life which sounds pretty perfect because her dad's an architect and so you know they have money but you have to pick up the check anyway, which at that point you don't even care about because your mom texts you to see how you are and you end up faking a family emergency to get away.

baku is like when you went to eastern europe with your friend and decided to stay a hostel and this kind of cute and kind of creepy guy there was like let's go out, so you do cause you don't know anyone else and you get black out drunk and when you wake up you're in someone else's house and your watch is missing and you think your friend probably had sex with him but you're both so embarrassed that it even happened you rarely talk about it and always leave it out when you tell your friends back home about your trip. can we just pretend that night didn't happen? and what the hell happened to my watch anyway? it wasn't even that expensive but who would steal my watch. thank god we totally forgot the camera at the room at the hostel, which miraculously didn't get broken into that night. next time: three star hotels. no, i'm serious, we'll just put it on a credit card and get our dads to pay for it somehow. can't you just ask for it for haunkkah or something? anyway, next time we should just go to portugal because my cousin's date who i met at that wedding i went to has an apartment there and said we could totally stay there, although he was a little drunk. but i saw it on price is right and it totally looks like something we would like.

please vote honestly. you may use this thread to discuss results, but please be advised that no one actually cares.

baron, i tried to send you a PM but you can't get any new ones.

can you send me a signed copy of your book? i've decided i'd like to read it and then attempt to sell it on ebay when i'm done. i think i can get close to retail if it's signed.

i'm guessing it's not available at the library?

i'll pay via paypal or whatever's convenient.