16 replies to this topic

[baron-pierreIV]

Anyone know any good Olympic jokes? (Keep 'em clean, at least.)

[Chateau Petrus]

Taken in the daily program at the Atlanta Games in 1996 :

An athlete got kicked off the Olympic team yesterday for carrying an illegal substance : Pepsi

[RobH]

Toronto 2024

[zekekelso]

CoSport

[Chateau Petrus]

WOG in Quebec City

[Olympic Fan Darcy]

Taken in the daily program at the Atlanta Games in 1996 :

An athlete got kicked off the Olympic team yesterday for carrying an illegal substance : Pepsi

gotta admit i did laugh at that one

[baron-pierreIV]

OK, OK, aisde from sniping at 'odd' institutions like Toronto 2024 or Scotland 2026, how about things like:

QUE: Why isn't sun-tanning an Olympic sport?
















ANS: Because the best you'll ever get is a bronze! Badabing!

Edited by baron-pierreIV, 13 July 2012 - 10:05 AM.

[Sir Rols]

I had to google around, but here's a couple:

• At the Olympic Games, Rhoda meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick.
  
  'Excuse me,' says Rhoda to the man. 'Are you a pole vaulter?'
  'No,"' says the man, 'I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?'
• Pete Jones turned up for the Olympics with some barbed wire under his arm, and came third in the fencing.
• 
  

  A German competitor was lost, and wanted directions to the Olympic village in Stratford, London. He was standing outside East Ham tube station when he saw two lads walking by so he stops them and asks, 'Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?'

  The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at the German.

  'Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français?' He tries.

  The two continue to stare.

  'Parlare Italiano?' Still absolutely no response from the two lads.

  'Hablan ustedes Espanol?' The London lads remain totally silent.

  The German Olympian walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood. One of the boys turns to the second and says, 'You know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!'

  'Why?' says the youth, 'That German guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good!'

• A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
  She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."
  He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go along."
  So she consented, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
  One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
  She said, "That was incredible!"
  He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
  So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool!
  She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly! After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.
  He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
  "No," she said, "I was a hooker in Alabama and I worked both sides of the Tennessee River."

Edited by Sir Rols, 13 July 2012 - 04:24 PM.

[intoronto]

London 2012

[Sir Rols]

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic
condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting
home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"There is three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course", says the man proudly.
The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would
be nice if you came second for a change!".

Edited by Sir Rols, 13 July 2012 - 05:07 PM.